LoveTruyen.Me

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Debut or Die - 252

※Precaution※

This episode deals with the topic of depression and death.

To tell the truth, there is still enough time left to "check the truth". The countdown of the status abnormality is not over yet.

However, the problem is that there won't be time to open it quietly after the Chuseok vacations.

"After preparing for the new album, we will have to make preparations for the end of the year."

The end of the year could not be wasted because we must prove that the group's recording activities are still going strong. There is no time for the side effects of the "truth check".

"I don't know what's going to happen...but I can't be attacked by the enemy plane at the most necessary time."

I made the most valid judgment on the premise that I could continue this activity.

... If I return to my original body, I may regret not having done it a few months later, but for now... I must not think about that.

Because I have agreed to consider a future where I can continue to do this.

I exhaled a sigh.

"Let's go."

[Check the "Truth" ☚ Click!]

I clicked on the word in the pop-up window.

Dalkak

As expected, the vision disappeared.

And my consciousness sank as if it had been sucked out.



*   *   *

- You are 20 years old.

- ... Y-yes.

I'm sitting in a family restaurant.

This is a regular soup restaurant that I come to quite often after I started studying for the civil service exams. This is because it was good value for money and it was convenient to come to eat alone.

But this time I was not alone.

Right now, in front of me, a small pale boy is sitting while the rice soup is cooking.

He was lying on his stomach without a coat in front of the motel next door. I was going to report him, but I brought him in to eat.

"I butted in uselessly."

This guy, who should be minding his own business, came up with something special, and even though what he did was useless, there was no going back. I sighed.

The guy sitting in front of me shuddered and said in a cracked voice.

- I... I don't have any money.

- ...

Had you thought I would ask you for money?

- Since I came to eat, I bought one for you, so eat it all.

- ...Thank you very much.

You're acting like a sinner for a meal worth less than 10,000 won. Maybe it's because I don't look like someone who would buy from him.

I looked at myself in the mirror next to the cash register for a moment.

I look like a public service student wearing a T-shirt, cap and glasses. Still, my appearance looks sloppy.

But it means things look better for me as opposed to the guy sitting in front.

"Hmm."

I scolded myself internally for picking up the kkakdugi.

TN: Kkakdugi is a type of kimchi made from radish, but it's also slang for calling gangsters or rebellious kids.

He's 20 years old, so he probably hasn't run away from home...he's like me, but he probably couldn't go to college.

- Is there anyone you can contact?

- ...

- Any part-time jobs?

- ... I got laid off.

I think I know what happened. I raised a hand and poured myself a spoonful of rice soup.

And I said.

- Go to the Community Center.

- What...?

- At the Administrative Center for Welfare, check if you meet the basic living conditions there, if that happens, you will receive money every month. If not, I will be in a corner, so you can ask me as many times as you want.

I continued to unilaterally direct the boy on his life path. The boy in front of me looked embarrassed, but he didn't object.

"You must be uncomfortable."

At that age, I would have done that. I quickly drank the remaining broth and stood up.

- Then I'll leave. Eat and retire.

Now that you have an idea about what to do, I'll leave.

- W-wait!

But while I was bundling myself up in a quilted jacket, I heard a puzzled call.

And a shaky voice.

- Thank you very much... I'm sorry.

- ...

I paused, then blurted out a few words without realizing it.

- Have you ever worked part-time at a steakhouse?

- What? I-I've never tried...

In fact, it's hard for minors to work part-time in a steakhouse. They don't usually hire them unless it's a family member.

I drew a line over the first candidate option, eliminating it, and moved on to the next.

- I'll introduce you to a part-time job at a convenience store, so give him a call. Say the former part-timer told you. I'll give you my number.

Although the steakhouse owner was the most sensitive to personal stories, the convenience store owner was also a person who knew how to maintain business ethics.

But the guy looked more embarrassed.

- I-I don't have a phone...

- ...

Holding back a sigh, I reached into my phone and wrote down my number and the convenience store owner's number on a handkerchief.

- After you get paid in advance, buy yourself a phone. Without it, you can't work.

- ...

- Take it.

The boy took the tissue paper with a blank face.

And mumbled without raising his head.

- Thank you... thank you very much.

- ...

He was probably crying.

I turned my head away. And at the moment when I was about to leave...

- Your... Your name...

Right, since I've done this shit, I guess it'd be right for him to know my name.

- ...Ryu GunWoo.

That's right. You're really good, Ryu GunWoo.

Look at the way you're wasting your time and pointlessly thinking about projecting your situation onto the first kid you see.

- What is your name?

The young man sitting on the other side looked up and answered rather bravely.

- Park MoonDae.

It was an unusual name.

This time I nodded my head and walked out of the tent. I did it to run away from this strange situation.

Since then, I've been in contact with this guy named "Park MoonDae" from time to time.

[I don't know if you remember, but I'm Park MoonDae, whom you invited to lunch. Thank you for introducing me to the convenience store].

I received a text message saying that he had received his first paycheck at his part-time job and would like to invite me to lunch or something.

But we don't know each other well enough. There's no reason to meet, and it's hard to take care of my life.

He said he would pay me back, but I didn't expect much. I didn't do anything for him except buy him a meal.

It was good to meet and eat once in a while. Since I don't meet with anyone, I get stuck reading books and feel like my social skills are ruined. This should be fine.

But other than that, my report card was not fine.

- Are you out of your mind?

I never thought I would fail the interview. I even thought I did a good job objectively.

"They talked shit, those motherf*ckers."

There was nothing to indicate what my failure was due to except that my family history was negative.

"Fucking family history wraps me up good."

TN: "포장하다" means "gift wrap." This indicates that the interviewers got carried away by the ugly wrapping of the gift (GunWoo's tragic family history) and did not notice the content (GunWoo's capabilities).

I even did well in the interview I had with the professor.

Normally, that story would be a plus, but I seem to have had bad luck with the interviewers this year.

- ... Huuh.

I laid down on the mattress. I think my brain is broken.

"I'll go get a drink."

There was nothing special to do other than that.

After failing the damn interview for three years, I drank alone.....

Already the next morning.

I gave up.

- Shit, stop losing.

The reason was simple. I had run out of money.

I had tried to stop from the beginning. Then I tried in the 2nd year and then the 3rd year.

If I went back to work as a data salesman, I could make over ten thousand so much, but it was safer to get a job because of my age. 

"I prepared myself to make sure I got a good job, but I can't let the purpose and means go to waste."

I wanted a job that would always pay me even if some accident happened to me and, at worst, not starve me to death.

- ...

For a while I thought about cutting back on the water supply, but I didn't because it would cost new money anyway.

"When I am over 29 years old, I'll take the last train."

TN: "막차는 타겠지" means "get on the last train," but figuratively it means that he will go too late to his destination. In other words, he decided it would be his last chance.

That year, I got a job in a proper medium-sized company.

And I thought if I lived quite well.... I don't know.

- Can you do it by tomorrow?

- Yes, I can.

I don't know if I've used up all my mental strength in my 29 years of life, or if it's because I'm a socially maladjusted person.

I often thought about it on my way home from work after overtime, on the bus.

- ...

I just didn't feel like living.

I felt no excitement.

Life was one-sidedly exhausting.

Nothing particularly bad about it, but nothing good either.

Surviving in the company itself is no big deal, but the internal politics were also boring. I wasn't excited about getting a promotion.

- I don't think this is a common case.

What the hell is this helplessness that has accumulated throughout this life?

I thought about psychiatric counseling for a while, but it was out of the question. I don't want to get fired.

I thought about changing jobs, but I had no motivation. First of all, this company didn't give me time to prepare for a job change.

- ...

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't find an answer.

Is there anything interesting I can do besides having a drink now and then?

There was something that crossed my mind.

Photos?

"No, it's too much."

It was too expensive a hobby. I don't have time or money for that.

That said, making money selling data is not a sustainable job and not something I should do after leaving the company. There were many instances where I didn't make as much as I invested.

- Hmm.

After much deliberation, I checked online and arranged a way to finish everything in my studio type apartment. It was interesting for a while.

Still, I've been thinking about it for a few weeks. It's not an easy decision to make.

But even as I was going through that process, the last night of the weekend turned out to be very bad.

Immediately after executing my plan, a thought briefly flashed through my mind.

"Is this depression?"

But that thought didn't last long.

Because I could no longer breathe....

*   *   *

- HUUUK.

I stood up as if I were jumping out of bed and put a hand over my heart.

Kung, kung.

"I'm breathing..."

I was fine.

- Ha.

I put my upper body on the headboard of the bed. My pajamas were soaked in sweat.

What I just experienced... No, is this something I've already been through?

If this has always been a way to revisit other people's memories, then....

"That was me?"

This was an experience as if I was "remembering".

But the problem is that I don't remember doing any of that at all!

My last memory is that I fell asleep while drinking. I have no memory of getting a job after that nor the crazy suicide attempt.

Also, first of all.

"I never met 'Park MoonDae'."

The first scene was split.

TN: "The first scene" is interpreted as "the first life." It's divided into what you remember and what you don't, what you know happened and what you can't be sure if it really happened.

If I had to do something foolish to help a loser, I would not forget it.

However, I entered this body of "Park MoonDae" and that's when I first saw it.

Moreover, the time was strange.

- Park MoonDae did not die.

Obviously, in the first "truth check" I saw, Park MoonDae made an extreme attempt with sleeping pills at the motel....

At that moment, a strange realization came like a flash of light to my head.

An attempt is just an attempt.

"So, Park MoonDae is not dead?"

Let's think.

Park MoonDae took sleeping pills without a prescription? That is, he bought a sleep inducer from a pharmacy.

"Can a person die from taking an over-the-counter medication?"

When I started to doubt, I was sure. I searched on my phone and it was certain that no matter how much I consumed, I could not die from the side effects.

If so, combining the season and date in this "truth check"....

"I met Park MoonDae right after he attempted suicide."

The guy was lying in front of the motel.

That... makes sense.

- ...

And if this assumption is correct, it can be said that I entered the body of an undead Park MoonDae.

- So where the hell did you go?

But there was no answer. There never has been, and never will be.

I knocked on the status window and asked.

"Are you Park MoonDae?"

However, there was no answer in the status window either. Instead, only strange words appeared.

[— Settlement in progress —]

I don't know what kind of shit it was, but in any case, there was no sign that told Park MoonDae's whereabouts.

No, Park MoonDae's whereabouts is not the only thing that matters. What about the crazy truth I just checked about me?

Did I really do it?

"I never thought I was such a crazy bastard."

Still, if it was done, why the heck did that memory disappear? Was it the last "Maginot Line" that a 29-year-old idol thought?

TN: "마지노선" is the French term "Maginot Line", a long fortress built by France on the border with Germany. Nowadays this expression is used to refer to "the last line of defense", "the boundary that cannot be crossed".

- I'm freaking out.

I laughed out loud. I'd rather not know about Park MoonDae, because there is no "Ryu GunWoo" here in the first place, so there is no need to look it up.

As soon as I first entered Park MoonDae's body, I tried to access everything from my cell phone number, social networks and even university, but there was not a single account....

"... Wait."

The data I took remained.

I combed my hair back with one hand.

Then... What if I change the proposition to "Did Ryu GunWoo exist here in the past?"

Will there be a way to find out if there's any evidence of it.....? Yes there is...

- Right, MoonDae-ya. If you don't mind... why don't you go to the members' family house instead of the apartment during this Chuseok vacation? Oh, my house would be fine too.

Ryu CheongWoo's house.

Whether it's an album or video of a family trip, there's a possibility that there will be traces of me and my parents.

- ...

Ttok, ttok.

Then, I heard some knocking outside the door.

- Park MoonDae? Are you okay?

It's Bae Sejin. Did he hear me talking to myself?

- ... Yes. I have a cramp, wait...

- Oh, that... do you want me to give you a massage?

- Don't worry, I already relieved it. Hold on, hold on.

I got up and changed my clothes.

When I opened the door, Sejin, who was sitting at the kitchen table, stopped in bewilderment.

- Y-your clothes...

- Yes.

I nodded, putting on clothes to go outside.

- I'll go out for a while. I have someone to meet.

I'll have to check.

*   *   *

The first day of vacation was very quiet.

- Kkami, come here.

- Wan!

TN: "깜이" (Kkami) means "black."

Ryu CheongWoo placed a toy on the sofa and the black poodle ran to it. The scent and the audio of the special vacation program on the TV set livened up the atmosphere.

However, since it was not his grandfather's house, which was full of people, the feeling was relatively mild.

- Oppa, I'm leaving!!!!

- Okay, have a good trip.

- Aish, I'll be a little late!

- Haha, that's true.

The younger sister left the house complaining about not being able to give good food to her older brother who came home after a long time. Ryu CheongWoo smiled and dismissed his dongsaeng.

It was a family of only four members, but he did not feel empty. They exchanged warm words.

- All right, what about your dongsaengs?

- They are still good children. They are very good...

Ryu CheongWoo, who had inadvertently put Bae Sejin in the group of his dongsaengs, quickly returned him to his position in the group of his own age...

He then thought of a member who was quite mature even though he was a junior.

- Yes, they are very nice, that's why you had thought of inviting one of the kids to our house during the holidays~.

- Hahaha.

His parents mentioned it just in time.

The "more mature younger brother". These were the words Ryu CheongWoo said to invite Park MoonDae to his house for the holidays.

Naturally, his parents agreed to this idea, although they did not receive it with great enthusiasm.

Even if he was Ryu CheongWoo's closest dongsaeng, it would not be very comfortable for a stranger who was not part of the family to be at their house during the vacations.

"Hmm, was it really better that he went to Bae Sejin's house?"

Ryu CheongWoo thought that despite being uncomfortable, Park MoonDae was very resourceful.

"I'm sure he's doing well."

Ryu CheongWoo posted a picture of his dog on TeSTAR group chat and saw all kinds of festive food popping up as responses.

"Everyone is doing well."

They seemed to have had a very peaceful day.

But later, before midnight struck.

Ping dong-

Someone rang the doorbell. And whether it was a messenger or not, the person outside the door would not leave quickly.

- I'll go check it out.

- Okay, son~

Ryu CheongWoo got up from the sofa.

"Will it be a stalker?"

The young man had a rather negative premonition and immediately checked who was standing.

- ...!

An unexpected person was standing outside the intercom.

Ryu CheongWoo opened the door immediately.

- ... MoonDae?

- Yes, hyung.

As he said, Park MoonDae was standing in front of the door. Without warning.

But not with calm eyes as usual, but with stern eyes.

- As you said, I came to play, can I come in?

Seeing how he acted, Ryu CheongWoo felt a chill.

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