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Debut or Die - 259
The evening practice ended quickly as planned. After returning to the dormitory, I recalled the conversation I had with Keun SeJin while I was taking a bath.In a nutshell, this was what he said."Seon AhHyun's pride is...hurt."He doesn't want to show his shame and affect his closest peers.- Hmm.I won't deny it. It's a point of view that I had never considered.Maybe it's because he's the guy who's been following me since I met him in "Idol Corporation". I don't feel like we're the same age."Honestly, it only looks like we're the same age."Being conscious, it's kind of hard to say that we are... the same age. I don't know if I actually worked as a clerk, but I have certain memories up to my 29th year.From the start, it's ambiguous to blame that we are the same age."I don't even know if AhHyun cares about such things."I don't know if it's like that with others, but AhHyun is just a nice guy who looks like an innocent fool, so I think he'll accept me with gratitude.But there's something I have to admit."I can't solve his problems every time they happen."No matter how calmly I talked to him, every time he had a problem, I gave him a lot of instructions.It's time for him to try to solve it himself.- Well, he's a tenacious kid.I shrugged my shoulders.Except for a brief moment at the event, his complexion didn't look particularly grim, so let's leave it at that.I guess I'll have to do a little research to see if I'm overreacting.Dalkak.I got out of the shower and headed for the fridge. I'm losing weight, so I thought I'd drink some ice water or milk tonight.AhHyun wasn't in the room."Maybe he's in the living room."And before I turned the corner of the hallway, I heard a voice.- S-so... Wh-what do you think when you feel that someone, who doesn't like you... praises you?- Dislikes and compliments you?-- Y-yes. Something like that.It was a conversation between Cha YooJin and Seon AhHyun.YooJin's answers were heard one after another.- Why praise me if he doesn't like me?- I-I don't know... is it because I can't get angry?- OK, OK.The boy replied smiling brightly.- Then I know~ Let him do it! I know I'm good!- R-really...?- Yes. I like praise!It was an amazing method of mental victory, to say that no matter what the other person's feelings are, praise will be accepted as such.But I don't think AhHyun can use it comfortably."Why did you ask YooJin for advice...?"That's a strange idea.I thought about waiting for a while until the conversation was over, then I realized it was absurd so I just went there.When our eyes met, AhHyun jumped.- Moo-MoonDae-ya. Will you drink water?- Yes, I will.- Here...!He brought me a glass of water.- Thank you."Will I hurt his pride if I help him?"I can't get rid of that thought that came to my mind spontaneously... Anyway, I thanked him.I drank water and waited for him to resume his conversation with YooJin.But the conversation did not continue. AhHyun nervously asked me.- W-why what...?Oh. Why am I looking at them too much?- Hmm, nothing. I was wondering if tomorrow's practice would be at 7 o'clock.- Oh, yes. 7 o'clock...!- Yes, thank you.I finished speaking feeling upset.There is no special abnormal behavior. He seems to be a little nervous, but....- Well~At that moment, Keun SeJin, who came out of the living room, laughed and slapped me on the back....I think that bastard is making fun of me."I don't fucking know."Let them do whatever they want.We had a lot of things to do until our comeback. Let's do our work tomorrow.- 7 o'clock is too early...- Hurry up and go to sleep.I went into my room, re-did stage setup and monitoring checks, and immediately went to bed.AhHyun arrived quite late and went to bed. The efforts to keep quiet were extraordinary."He's almost crawling."I was going to tell him he wasn't asleep yet, but I thought it would scare him, so I let it go.And the next day.After the morning practice, around lunchtime, Seon AhHyun went alone to practice for his collaboration.I heard that soon his practice will be shortened and he will go to practice every two or three days.- Will you be okay? I think you'd better go after lunch.- I-I'll be fine, I'll eat after I come back...! I'll be back soon.- Hmm, okay.- Wait.I threw some glucose candies to Seon AhHyun. I always have some to eat in case of emergency according to the agreement I made with my trainer, so I can give away a few.- Th-thank you...- Have a safe trip.- AhHyun-ah, fighting~- I hope you have a rewarding practice time!AhHyun quickly grabbed the candy, nodded and walked out the door.- ...That... I hope he doesn't come shuffling back listlessly.- Hyung! Give me candy too!- Okey.- Yay!I ditched the remaining candy and crossed my arms."I'd rather find out a little..."Then, all of a sudden, Keun SeJin started uselessly fanning herself with her hands.- Ah~ It's hot because we're practicing. Should we eat some ice cream? I saw that they sell them at the health food store downstairs!- I like it!!!- Oh, that store. If it's light ice cream, it's fine.- Okay~ Then I'll go for a walk with MoonDae to buy them!- ...?Why are you taking me?I thought it was a dream, so I just followed him.And Keun SeJin burst out laughing as soon as he walked out the door.- Ya, Park MoonDae! Does it bother you that much?- What are you talking about?- Did you know that you're monitoring AhHyun's schedule? It would be more normal to talk to him!- ...No, I'm just trying to check his reactions before and after the collaboration practice, you bastard.However, after laughing, he said something true to me.- Ah~ MoonDae MoonDae, do you really need to do that? Do you need to know everything that's going on to get rid of that bad temper of yours and feel a little better?- Calm down.- You just need to use that wonderful skill when preparing an album, talented MoonDae-ssi~.- ...- That's right. If you use it to pick out ice cream... Uchachacha!- How?I ran to catch the runaway and the rest of the guys got a delivery of ice cream as fast as a bullet.Then I sat on the practice room floor and thought about it briefly.Am I a control freak?"No, I'm just trying to survive."Up until now it was all about my survival, I've come to care more about having problems in the group around me. Isn't that sort of a biological instinct?"But not so much anymore."If I failed my current mission I wouldn't die, I'd just eliminate my status window, so it's a high-risk objective."I shouldn't waste my time on useless things."I ate an ice cream and concentrated only on the afternoon practice.But this concentration was soon hampered.It was because when AhHyun returned, his face was full of worry.- I-I came back.- ...That... I don't think it went well.
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Seon AhHyun, who came back, quickly regained his expression and joined the practice, but now the other guys are slowly becoming aware of the atmosphere.- Did something happen while preparing for the collaboration?- I guess it's more complicated than I thought.However, there was no sign that AhHyun was overworked. I mean, it was no big deal.Thanks to that, I quickly assigned him an ice cream and the topic came up.It's usually okay to ask while taking a break.And it's usually up to the roommate or the leader..... Well, I'm the roommate."Should I ask him?"But there was nothing I could say.After rehearsing, I sat in my room and was watching my choreography practice video I took earlier.That's where AhHyun spoke first.- Excuse me... Moo-MoonDae-ya, can I ask you a question?- Yes. What is it?It's not...?And my guess was right.- M-maybe, if you had... to work for a while with someone difficult to deal with... W-what would you do?- ...It was a direct request for advice.- It depends on the situation. What do you mean he's hard to deal with, he's a sunbae?- N-no, it's not like that. I-it's awkward... I feel like it purposely shows something that's not the truth.It's as expected.- Hmm, then it's okay to be sarcastic or ignore it, as long as it doesn't go against etiquette. If you're better, that person will have to lower their head to you.- I-I see.And at that moment it hit me."Shit, I'm relieved."I seem to only feel comfortable when I know everything and can control it. Damn.I felt dismayed that I gave up a victory to Keun SeJin, so for now I kept listening to Seon AhHyun to understand the situation in more detail.However... AhHyun seemed to be a bit embarrassed.No, very embarrassed.- S-sorry. I'm the one who's not good at this, I-I'm sorry that I always have to get help.- ...?- E-everyone else is doing well... I-I think there's something wrong with me. I can't get it right even after I go to practice and practice...Why did the conversation end like this?- You don't have a problem. Why do you say that?- B-because it's like this every time I meet people my age... It's been like this since the beginning...- ...Maybe he was so embarrassed that AhHyun forgot to ask for advice as if it was a third party problem.- When was the first time?- When I was in high school... and I was doing ballet.AhHyun hesitated and spoke briefly. His voice trembled.- I hurt...my ankle, but everyone liked it.....I got goose bumps.- T-they weren't bad kids, b-but I think from that moment on, I felt bad about being in a group of same-age peers....- ...I stood up.- In the first place, I haven't seen anyone among our group members who didn't like being with you.- T-that's because everyone is good....- You're the best person in this group. And so were you when you were in high school.- Huh? Yes...- You were the best.- That, s-sometimes, yeah...AhHyun saying that indicates that he's accepting my words as strong blows to his head.I crossed my arms.AhHyun's parents, who seemed educated, or a professional counselor wouldn't have talked about it this way, so I'll have to do it myself.- Listen. Everything you've suffered so far has been because of jealous bastards.- What?- Those bastards were pissed off that the prettiest guy is a really good dancer. Got it?- B-but... I understand.AhHyun seemed to have nodded because he was strongly encouraged. Okay.- Then, don't worry about the bastards who look at you with envy and jealousy. Rather, look at yourself every day in the mirror and shout 'I'm a great guy' 10 times to yourself. Is that okay?- Well-well, I did that at the beginning of my consultations....- Do it again.From what I see, this time AhHyun seems to be embarrassed for a different reason, but then he nodded awkwardly.And suddenly, I chose my words carefully.- Wait, so you changed your major?Was it because of bullying that you switched from ballet to modern dance?But AhHyun shook his head hurriedly.- N-no! Well, in ballet... I was told that my body shape was being wasted.- Shape?- Yes, in ballet it's good... to have the tips of your toes shaped round. I-I'm not like that, and my pelvis is small... I was recommended to go down a path... where I can do better.I understand.Seon AhHyun is talented in dancing, but in terms of body shape, he had more advantage of becoming the best in another type of dance rather than ballet.I guess...that's why he changed his major quickly before he started preparing to take the college entrance exam.In the end, this kid made it to the idol industry, not dance, but it's good that he's doing well and making money- It's good that you're using what you've learned in your modern dance lessons.- A-that's right...AhHyun smiled brightly. But soon he tilted his head with a slightly somber face.- D-in fact... today we talked about modern dance.- In the practice of collaboration?- Yes.He nodded his head and said in a voice mixed with a bit of regret.- T-there's a very difficult step, which none of them got, only me... They congratulated me with envy....They really have the talent to turn their words around like the damned capitalist society.- ... So you couldn't answer?- N-no, I did respond....AhHyun blushed.- W-well, I don't know... I just said "thank you for saying that, I'll do my best".- ...- YooJin had told me... that it's okay to take compliments as compliments. I-it's okay, isn't it? No one answered me...I managed to answer.- Oh, good job.Seon AhHyun is unexpectedly... He can be the style that hits well without malice.Keun SeJin was right again that there was no need for me to worry....But it was worth it to have the conversation we just had.- Just do it. You did a good job- Yes.AhHyun's face lit up.And I admitted my defeat smoothly."... Let's get ready for the album."Two weeks later, December 31 would arrive.The broadcast of the MBS music program, which graces the last day of the year, is approaching.And the first performance to be held, in which a TeSTAR member would appear, was the collaboration performance featuring Seon AhHyun.
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