Màu nền Màu tối Mặc định Xám nhạt Xanh nhạt Xanh đậm Vàng nhạt Màu sepia Vàng đậm Vàng ố

Font chữ: Palatino Linotype Bookerly Segoe UI Patrick Hand Times New Roman Verdana Tahoma Arial

Chiều cao dòng: 100 120 140 160 180 200

Kích cỡ chữ:

Debut or Die - 284

Cold sweat dripped down my body.

No, it's the sweat I shed while walking, but it might have felt cold because of the situation.

Because it's complete shit.

"A plane crash?"

It's the first time I've heard it.

"I must... I must organize my thoughts first."

There was no way to know exactly for what reason Park MoonDae's parents died.

...Because Park MoonDae had vacated his old apartment and organized his belongings.

It was possible to check only the name and age of his parents, but in case you didn't know, I searched several times for some accident article by area of residence, first and last names, but I didn't get any result....

"So I thought it must have been a common accident that wasn't a big issue..."

Isn't it natural to think of a car accident? So I let someone misunderstand me like that.

For example, Ryu CheongWoo.

- Talking about the aftermath of a car accident... it must have been suffocating.

I thought there was a high probability that it had been that kind of accident, and even if it wasn't, there would be no one to prove it.

But, overcoming that probability, a completely new type of accident emerged as the real cause.

Whereas I... fuck, I've flown in airplanes with no problems and even skydived.

- ...

Damn it.

When I realized I still had water in my mouth, I gulped it down.

The water in the canteen was almost empty. It seems that the sound I can hear is coming from the electronic watch on my wrist.

It signals the time I'm taking to give an answer.

Ttokttak.

"Excuses... There is no reasonable excuse I can use."

It's actually a dilemma.

Everything from the traffic accident, fire and overreactions to Ryu CheongWoo's accident fits Ryu GunWoo's story perfectly.

And anyway, it doesn't work to say that what has already been confirmed is not true.

"This guy is almost certain."

He has spoken about this after reflecting on Park MoonDae's past and realized that it doesn't match my words and actions at all.

I closed the canteen slowly and quickly shook my head.

Ryu GunWoo and Park MoonDae.

Ttokttak.

- ...

Well, if I formulate a hypothesis as realistically as possible, is there anything I can use?

"I'd just have to add some other mental illness besides amnesia."

I could give a psychopathological explanation by arguing that Park MoonDae confused Ryu GunWoo's situation with his own.

Saying that he was confused in the process of recovering his memories because he had many emotional exchanges with "Ryu GunWoo."

"But... the moment I make those excuses, I will be immediately sent to the hospital."

It will get to the level where my activities will cease. This... fuck it, it would be better to talk about the status window.

"No, how do I explain that there's a status window that no one else can see, what the fuck am I talking about?"

It would be nice if this was only misconstrued as paranoia.

"Either way, I'll end up going to a psychiatrist."

I'll reject those ideas.

Ttokttak.

In the meantime, time passes.

Ryu CheongWoo keeps looking this way even though I'm not looking at him. I can feel a countdown in his gaze.

"You brought this bastard all the way to the top on purpose."

He exhausted my resistance, there were no other people and he had cornered me to the point where there were no other factors that could cover up the situation.

And there's a limit to how long I can drag it out now, but I can't think of any amazing countermeasures in my head.

"Shit, nothing comes to mind."

I'm stymied.

Ttokttak.

I can't. All I can think of is screaming.

I tried to open my mouth... to say some absurd nonsense starting with, "I didn't remember it was a plane crash, I only had a vague image of a fire caused by an explosion and that's why I mistook it for a car crash..."

But the other guy started first.

... I was worried.

- If it's hard for you to talk, there's nothing I can do about it.

- ...!

- Tell me anytime.

CheongWoo said this in a calm tone and put his bottle in his bag.

Then he turned his back on me as if it was no big deal.

- So, shall we go down?

- ...

That was it. CheongWoo moved slowly.

I shut up and followed him down the mountain.

But the tension remained. Because I knew that the answer was only being delayed.

Besides, he has to think about the reason why I couldn't answer right away.

"I'm going crazy."

And so living in the apartment started being fucking uncomfortable.

* * *

A few days later.

- You... what are you doing?

At 2 o'clock in the morning, Bae Sejin, who went out to drink water, almost fell down when he saw me sitting on the sofa in the living room.

- I can't sleep.

- But... you can come in and go to bed.

- I don't feel like it.

Bae Sejin looked at me with his mouth open and I looked away from him.

He looks ridiculously funny, as if I fought with him.

However, I wonder if there is anyone who was in this same situation and cared enough to go to his room to sleep comfortably.

A situation where your roommate points out the contradictions in your life one by one, and then you're slow to give him an answer.

And feeling the ominous serenity of not bringing it up for days.

"I'm not in the eye of a typhoon."

I'd rather have that man scold me and tell everyone I'm a crazy person who's been lying to them. No, what the hell am I thinking?

"Damn it."

I sighed and leaned back on the couch.

Still, it would be too obvious if I slept in the living room, so I figured I'd come in when my head cooled down a bit and I got bored.

"If I spend the time until I doze off, I'll be able to sleep well."

But Bae Sejin seemed to have a different idea.

He looked at me with a strange expression, then changed to a face that realized something.

He asked me seriously as if he had already anticipated it.

- Park MoonDae, how about...changing rooms?

Hey.

- No, I'm not saying I don't want to use my room, it's just that you don't look good!

- ...

I can tell his true intentions.

After thinking for a moment, I held back a sigh and shook my head.

- I don't want to change rooms.

- Really?

- Yes. Well, I'll get better with time.

I have to be okay.

If we do comeback and shoot content where it shows that I'm still uncomfortable with it, I'll be ruined again. The Summer Package nightmare will happen again.

"So we have to figure it out."

There's no other way. I have to give an explanation to Ryu CheongWoo that he can understand.

I rested my head on the sofa. I felt a bitter taste in my mouth.

Bae Sejin fulfilled the purpose why he had left his room and drank a glass of water, then quietly came to my side.

- Ehem, Ryu CheongWoo... he's a good boy.

- ... Yes. I know that.

- Oh, yeah. You too! You're a good boy!

- ...

You're going to wake someone up, bastard.

Sejin lowered the volume of his voice with difficulty and, after coughing a couple of times, spoke in a calmer tone.

- There are people who don't get along with each other, but... I'm not saying this because I think you are like that.

- ...

- If you have a problem with him, tell him honestly. You don't have to go out in the living room.

I sighed a little, then smiled.

- Sounds like advice from experience.

- Yes.

I thought he would be surprised, but Bae Sejin unexpectedly nodded in a serious manner.

- It's because I feel more comfortable in the living room, but you don't seem comfortable here.

- ...

- You want to get along with CheongWoo. And he is... He's a little tolerant, so he'll listen to what you have to say.

I'm sorry, but it's the opposite. He'll feel uncomfortable with me.

I shook my head. Even if I tell him everything, it would put him in a difficult situation to understand.

I'll just say kind words and send him back to his room.

- I will try. Thanks for your help.

- Ehem, well, I'm glad I did. Good night, hyung.

- Yes. Good night, hyung.

Bae Sejin entered his room with relaxed shoulders. I guess he thought he had it figured out.

"Could it be because he feels he acted like a hyung?"

When I saw him, strangely, my heart felt a little lighter. I laughed, and suddenly remembered what Bae Sejin said.

"Ryu CheongWoo will listen to what I have to... tell him."

- ...

I lay down in the living room and replayed my thoughts.

This time, I didn't focus on finding an explanation that wouldn't be strange if I did.

Instead, I focused all my attention on "what Ryu CheongWoo was trying to hear".

I organized and listed in chronological order the series of events we went through before he asked me that question.

- ...

And a few hours later...

- Huuh.

I came to a conclusion.

It's funny, but Bae Sejin's hyung really worked.

I made a suggestion to CheongWwoo in the car when we came back from that day's recording schedule.

* * *

My suggestion was simple.

- How about doing exercises on Thursday morning?

- In the morning?

- Yes. We'll just have that free time.

Now that we are spending all of our time preparing for our comeback, body care consists mainly on diet and quick, intense routines to use up calories.

This indicates that I don't have time to exercise leisurely as I had hoped, but this suggestion means that I will use my small meal and rest time during the week to exercise.

CheongWoo looked a little puzzled, but then nodded his head.

- Yes, that's fine.

And now that he came out of the exercise at the appointed time, he looked a little surprised.

- Will it be okay here?

- Of course.

Because it was the same hiking route I'd grown tired of doing over the past few weeks.

- Let's go.

I didn't have time to say more, so I immediately started running lightly.

- Huk.

Now that it's early summer, the mountain is getting warmer.

There are probably people coming up in the morning, but thanks to the weather, it's probably thinned out and so it felt quieter.

So it was pretty good.

"Because no one will hear us."

It was in the middle of the mountain, which was almost deserted, that I stopped.

Of course, I didn't stop just because people had disappeared from the surrounding area.

- Hmm?

- Like you said, I don't think we need to go to the top. The best view is here.

- Ah, really?

Ryu CheongWoo looked a little uncomfortable, but soon nodded. And turned his gaze back to the scenery.

- It has become denser.

- That's right.

TN: "울창" means "dense," "lush," or "luxurious." I don't know if it refers to the fact that the vegetation has become denser due to the fact that they are in summer season, or if the distant view of the city looks more populated than before.

I decided to stop for a moment and surrender to the magnificent view before my eyes, catching my breath.

And I measured the time.

"You must have guessed by now why we came here."

It was because he gave me time to prepare my mind as we came to a place near where he had asked me that question.

No, he must have guessed it from the moment I suddenly suggested exercising in the first place.

"My answer to the contradictions he had pointed out."

Indeed, Ryu CheongWoo spoke slowly.

- ... Hmm, do you have something you want to say?

I shook my head.

It's not that I want to say something to him because I came up with some excuse that could reverse the situation.

What I thought when I heard Bae Sejin last night was something else.

- It's not that I want to say something... it's that I have to say it.

It's a justification.

CheongWoo had the right to receive an answer to his question.

"This guy must have been convinced that I was mean to him because he reminded me of my parents' accident."

Then, when I suddenly remembered something else, I asked him to cooperate with my action of looking for "Ryu GunWoo." I simply did so because it was possible that he might know about him as he is a relative of his.

However, the reasons and explanations I thought of as we came up here are inconsistent.

"It makes me so angry that I can't help it."

Because that was not the truth that this boy had unearthed. If I tell him, he'll notice the contradiction easily and catch me trying to deceive him.

"Honestly, even if I gave him some excuse now, the moment any contradiction is found, it's over..."

At that point, it wouldn't be strange if they cut me from the group as I would have shown that I'm crazy.

But this guy... Even though he understood the situation, he kept his mouth shut and waited a long time until I gave him an answer at the right time.

Maybe until he regained his strength and mentality.

"What he said to me superficially was 'let's do exercises and relax,' but what he meant silently was 'let's talk calmly'..."

He had no malicious or intrusive intent.

So, at the very least, I need to tell him the truth by eliminating how unrealistic the reboot or status window sounds.... I came to a conclusion.

"If what I say manages to make sense to him, that's another matter."

There is no convincing explanation anyway. So, if a person has a fucking charge on the conscience, he should do this.

I sighed, then spoke slowly.

- Hyung.

- Yes?

- Now... I know my words and the circumstances may seem inconsistent.

I reflexively put a hand in my pocket, then realized that I don't currently smoke, so I took it out.

And slowly I said.

- I have never lied.

- ...

- But ... even if I try to explain it, it's not a situation that's easy to understand ... Oh, it's not a mental problem. It's not like I'm mistaking myself for someone else or identifying with them.

This bastard is the one who will probably send me to a mental hospital with the best of intentions. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck.

- I'm just... acting the way I am.

CheongWoo didn't refute, so I continued talking.

- It's true that car accidents and fires make me uncomfortable because of my parents' accidents. Hyung, obviously you might think that I was abusive to you for reasons that weren't true during Summer Package, but....

- Wait.

CheongWoo interrupted me with a slightly puzzled expression.

And he smiled bitterly.

- MoonDae-ya, I think there's a misunderstanding... I don't mistrust you nor am I trying to question you.

What?

- During the Summer Package? Anyone who saw you back then could tell that your pain wasn't made up. I don't think you lied.

I listened to him in a daze.

- And... you saved my life even though you nearly died. That's a fact that will never change. Isn't it?

That...

- Who would get mad at the person who saved their life for saying something that doesn't make sense? Don't worry about it.

Ryu CheongWoo added slowly.

- What I want to ask is this, MoonDae-ya.

- ...

- Do you need help right now?